Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
