His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
