even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
