i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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