I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
