were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
