I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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