lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
