so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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