living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
