I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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