I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
