So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
