1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
