There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
