Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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