So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
