my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
