Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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