dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
