You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
