i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would ride that face into the sunset
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
