is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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