i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
