I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm going to jail i love you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
