the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
