i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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