im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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