my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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