Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize