I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
