you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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