my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i drank out of a bidet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
BRING THE BAGELS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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