My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
