she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
