I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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