Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
