Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
