ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
cat food counts as protein by the way
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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