3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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