got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
