the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
