I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
