he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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