I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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