After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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