Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
