He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
