From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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