Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
