Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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