I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
