Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
