Someone shit on the floor
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
