can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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