I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
