The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
