I need help removing her.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
