508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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