I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
