apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize