Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
