saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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