yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i love accidental penises.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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